Ugh, Guy and Health Issue

I got a call the other day from a guy who I went out on a date with a few years ago. I don't know why guys think that they can do this and I'll remember them, the details of our dating and why I didn't continue to date the guy. This guy was named Art. During our date, I felt uncomfortable and not safe with him. He also took off his pants to get comfortable-- yeah, right. The only thing he brought over was margarita mix and seemed to want me to get more drunk than just tipsy on the first date. I heard from him about two weeks later and he wanted sex. He said something like, "I've been thinking about you every day." Really? Then why did it take you two weeks to tell me that I'm on your mind all the time?
So, we talk on the phone the other day. He seemed just as perverted as ever. For some reason, he thought that at the time we dated, I wanted sex with no strings attached or casual sex without a committed relationship (which in my mind is two different things but maybe that's where the miscommunication was). He remembered I wasn't having sex at the time. But he insisted we only did what I was comfortable with-- really, then why was I so fucking uncomfortable? I didn't ask him to take off his pants or lay on top of me. I made up that I was having an outbreak so he'd leave. He said that if he was really a rapist, he would have been more aggressive. Really, that wasn't aggressive enough? I had an action plan of banging on the wall to get my neighbor's attention to get this guy off of me and out of my apartment.
So, his big reason for taking off his pants? I had my shirt off. Oh, so, that means I must want sex when I've said I don't want sex. Really?
After this date, I didn't date for a while. I didn't want to have anyone over. I was really scared. I was scared that he'd come back, stalk me, even. I blamed myself-- how could I be so stupid? I didn't feel comfortable and I shouldn't have had him over. When he blamed me, for having my shirt off, I felt like I was slightly to blame but he had a weird story in his head. And he continues to have this story-- enough to call me and ask me out on a date thinking that I'm still into this whole "sex with no string attached." I've never done that. There are always strings attached. I have enjoyed long term booty calls with no committed relationships. Mostly, it wasn't an official relationship-- even though it was a relationship of some sort. I also felt mostly respected in those type of relationships. Art didn't respect me. He also has some weird thing about having a woman who has money and can take care of herself because he doesn't want to take care of her. This makes me really happy to be with my boyfriend-- who respects me and will give me the shirt off his back if I needed it.

After all this, I got the test results back from my annual exam. I have to get another test to see what the abnormal cells are. I'm scared. I blacked out during sex one time and I had sex with a guy who then wanted a relationship. He had had sex with an older woman who I knew. She was very open about having her cervix removed from cancer. He didn't believe that she had cervical cancer when I told him.
I talked to him last night and he blamed me. He said that he couldn't get tested to see if he had HPV and that I couldn't have known if it was from him. I can't believe he said that. Then he accused me of trying to find a reason to hate him. If I hated him, I wouldn't have said anything. I would have just gone on and maybe sent him some message in a few months about making sure he uses protection because of the incident.
I had a friend come over last night to make sure I was OK. We talked about my worries-- for the future of me, of Jeremy, of children, of possibly having cancer, and on and on.
I know eventually I'll be OK. I just have to freak out a bit before I calm down.
Thanks for listening.

Not Safe

I haven't written in a while. I was closed to a man and he joined my facebook page which included the links to this page. He read through a lot of it and in the end, he wanted to find out more about what I was thinking in regard to our sexual life. I felt violated again and did not want to write for a while. Now, this man and I are barely speaking. He is friends with some of my friends and our interactions continue to be doused in confusion. He appears so angry. It's like he did a flip. I almost think that he sees the world as black or white. He was helpful and supportive for a time and then suddenly, he was making these odd accusations about this help and support. It took a lot of convincing to my conscious self to know that what he said is just simply not true.
Our sexual encounters were confusing and upsetting. He said many things that he later contradicted. While he wanted a relationship and realized that I did not want a relationship, he said that he wanted to have a physical relationship. I was cautious but I wanted to believe that he knew himself well enough that he would not just say this in hopes of a relationship. We were physically intimate on a few occasions. My body was uncomfortable. A part of me wanted to make him happy but the bigger part of me just wanted a good friendship. I would finish and just push him away. I didn't want to have more connections with him. I felt badly. I talked to friends. They reaffirmed that he just wanted it; he was OK with being treated this way. I felt that I was just getting back into those people pleasing behaviors. I did not like this feeling at all. I wanted to stop and to have some time away. Soon, I felt that any free time was commandeered by him. I felt a weird addiction to him. I hated it.
I think the last time we spoke, it was clear that he did not like that I was asserting myself again. I decided not to have him go out of his way to pick me up and drop me off. I met him out to have dinner. I enjoyed not having an extended time together. I liked doing what I wanted as I drove away to my apartment. I liked being able to process the night, without his company.
I'm feeling defensive about this blog. I want to start explaining how we did have great times together. I want to explain that he has a different perspective and that this is probably not what he thinks of the situation at all. Yet, that could be my nervousness, my people pleasing behaviors, and my want to get rid of these feelings and not hurt anyone's feelings. However, I needed to get this out. Luckily, I feel my readers understand this.

Thank you for taking your time to read this short rant.