update 2

The client who was supposed to be here didn't show up. Very odd.
I like my easy going friends. I think most of my other friends have been really cool if I wanted to do something that they couldn't afford or weren't interested in doing. And other friends who told me to find something to do because they had obligations to attend to and wanted me to do my own thing. This friend was detail oriented. She wanted to know exactly when I'd be there and exactly when I'd leave. I understand if she wants to coordinate with her boyfriend, however, it came off as "Could you hurry up and leave? I just want to see him." I decided not to spend the night becaues I know that Sunday mornings with a partner are so relaxed and nice to experience. I knew I might want to linger and that didn't seem welcomed. So, we'd only have a couple of hours together. And that just wasn't what she wanted. She sort of blamed me for giving up that time as leaving her boyfriend at her place. I was pissed that she seems him all the time. She sees him way more than she sees me or her other friends. When I had originally made plans with her, she said she'd be fine without her boyfriend. He'd have to find something to do. OK, WTF happened? At the end of an argument about this, she said she valued my friendship and wanted to see me at some point. The last thing I said to her was that she had an odd way of showing it.

This reminds me of so many things, mostly related to W. I went to visit W one time and he had told a friend he'd help her pack. We decided to meet back at a subway in a couple of hours. My phone immediately died. I went to a little track where people were running and there was football practice. It was cool. I also went to a coffee shop that had green tea with bergamot. Bergamot is my favorite and I haven't had the chance to have it since I can't have black tea. It was wonderful. I went shopping too. It was a perfect time.
But W also had issues after he started dating his previous girlfriend. He was doing all sorts of manipulative things and wasn't there for me during my break up. And then after we were reunited again, he couldn't handle my anger about the whole situation instead of just saying sorry.

I realized it's tough for me to not trust someone who I think is an expert. An art therapist who writes books about art therapy, ones I've had to read during the time in grad school, contacted me. She wanted to bully me about writing a piece about coloring books. It's such a white problem. She seemed to threaten me with being an honorary member of the Ct Art Therapy Assoc.. I'm not registered as an art therapist since it's the same work I had to do for my license but it doesn't bring me any money. Insurances don't accept that recognition. She accused me of all sorts of things she couldn't have known or that were really off. She made bold statements and when I asked her to give me resources, she got more upset. At some point, she did say she was upset. But she did it in a way that made it seem like I was some ant in her life. At the same time, she was the one who was causing all sorts of problems. She thought I was testing her. I was but it shouldn't be something more that some info could have soothed. I wanted explanations. I wanted exact information. I was not given those things. Every time I've said this story, and explained she was an internet troll with a Ph.D., people say she's a narcissist and an asshole. I can accept that. But at first, I thought she was right and I was just being a rebel. And second, that she was so fucking petty that she might go after my license. She doesn't like that I have a couple of pieces of artwork on my webpage from kids. I can't find anything about this-- and according to this person, every counselor who she has consulted with about using client artwork online, especially if they're under age, the counselor lost their license. I doubt it. Anyway, that's over and some of my art therapy friends know that some people in this field are shitty and are bullies. It's surprising but they might find themselves in my position if they dare speak out against something.

I met someone. I have no hopes that it'll work out. He's close to Boston. He's very cool and we're alike. But I don't think he's for me. I want to be in NYC. It's sad. I feel used. The sex was great but of course, it can be if it's a one night type of thing. It wasn't my intention to have a one night stand. I want someone in my life. But since there's not a romantic partner in my life, I'm fine with my toys. They're working out just fine.

I'm reading about Daughters of Divorce. It's helping me see some things. But it angered me that there was a whole section on misconception of daughters trying to reconnect with their dads. They were all true for me. And the points they made just don't ring true for me. There really is nothing left to say to my dad. There really is no way he's going to change. I can't change what he did or how much hurt he bestowed on this family or on me. He's never going to admit it. And that's where I am. Even talking to him or trying to joke with him doesn't work well. I sent him an obituary of a man whose wife and girlfriend both put a listing in the newspaper. He said that it was such an N-word thing to do. No, it's something that would happen to him. There's no use. I just can't deal with him so, again, back to no communication. I thought with all the work I was doing that talking to either of my parents would be easy. It's not. It's just not where I want to be. I usually had a good relationship with my mom. She's been busy for a while and I don't want to talk to her. I'm upset at her too because of the many things that happened in my childhood. I know both of them tried their best and I can still be uspet about it because it doesn't hurt any less.

I better go.