Ugh
I'm sitting on some ideas for stories. I'm not sure yet what I'm going to do. I guess just find the time to do it-- but not like a weekend to myself like it had to come to last time.
An ex lover came over today. He was meant to be a month thing-- nothing serious. And now, he continues to want to see me just for sex. We haven't had sex in a while. I haven't had sex for a while. So, I gave him a hand job today while he pressured me for sex. He ended up coming and since I've been away from it for quite some time, I remembered I don't like it. I tolerated it. The friend I talked about it the last blog, he wore condoms after I insisted because I don't want to sit in cum all day and I might get rashes. It also ends up smelling-- not what I want.
During the rape, Kirk had me give him a blow job and he came in my mouth. It was gross. I've only tried to do it a few times since. Sometimes I gag so I have to stop-- especially if I think he's going to cum. The times it's happened and gotten in my mouth-- once was ok. The second time, I threw up. I still think that cum is so gross and I can't even think of having it anywhere near me. It's just gross. The consistency is just awful. I work on it from time to time when I'm in a relationship but I hate it. I wish I could stop it.
So, this ex told me he loved me. I don't know what he loves about me and I think he was just saying it to get me into bed. Ew.
Since I haven't had sex, I haven't felt the need to trim my pubic hair. OMG, I love my pubic hair. It's all soft and it makes me feel so protected. I have to say I hate the women who I work with who make fun of the girls who don't shave. I don't think that it's so bad. I hate it when guys ask me to shave-- which my ex did today. He said that he would perform oral if I shaved. He told me a while ago that he doesn't like giving oral. He was trying to convince me-- telling me that it only had to be once. Yeah, once but I have to live with it. Ew.
I don't like this whole not hair thing that most women are encouraged to do. And it really bothers me when the woman whose all organic and natural calls girls "dirty" and makes fun of them for not shaving. What?!
I've had many men who wanted me to shave because they shaved. Ew. Someone told me that you would think that men would like to not shave. But they want me to change. Really? Fuck that.
So, two months ago, I was with one of the guys that I like. But because I had been with the two other guys who were critical of me, I found myself almost apologizing and actually asking if it was OK that I didn't shave my legs and that I hadn't trimmed. He was fine with it. I liked that. It was reassuring. And I was so angry that these guys had had that much impact on me.
If it were up to me, I wouldn't shave my legs. I shave them so I can wear skirts and dresses without being embarrassed. I know I have nice legs. But the thing is I can't shave more than once a week. It's taken me a long time to even get there. I used to like not shaving for months. It was so much easier. I like the women who overly react to the fact that I have leg hair. I used to work with them. If I shave more than once a week, I get really bad bumps. I know I have to put on lotion-- but I'm low maintenance and I forget. I've tried a lot to remember to put lotion on my legs before they itch. But I forget and then I itch and then I put on cream, which makes me itch more and then have to put on more lotion.
I've looked into how to manage oily hair. I enjoy it. It's actually worked to use hot water till the end of the shower and then put on cold water. I can go longer without a shower-- which was recommended too (every other day or every 2 days). One of my friends had oily hair so bad that she showers every day, which one of the things that was discouraged on the websites I was looking into. I still want to find the brush for oily hair. I found some inexpensive shampoo, including a brand that I like. I'm happy about that.
The other thing I'm looking into is how to stop from grinding my teeth. I didn't realize that the issues with my back teeth were because of my teeth grinding. They've turned grey since it's been so long since my root canals. It used to freak me out but I know it's what is supposed to happen. There are still issues with those back teeth. I've recorded myself two nights in a row to see how bad the teeth grinding is and to see if the face exercises have helped with it. I think it was reduced but I want to try some more things like exercise and meditation to prevent it. Then, I have to get a mouth guard. I'm really reducing my spending this week so that my over draft is not put on my credit card again. But soon, I will be licensed and will be able to have more money to pay off bills. I miscalculated how much it would be to have the rest of my supervision done-- so I put aside $350 but it's almost double that. So, mouth guard, among other things like therapy and massage therapy, have to wait. I'm going to try to get to massage therapy and therapy at least once this month and then once next month-- then resume at least every other week for each.
Now I've gotten into business brain so, I better go. Thanks for reading.
An ex lover came over today. He was meant to be a month thing-- nothing serious. And now, he continues to want to see me just for sex. We haven't had sex in a while. I haven't had sex for a while. So, I gave him a hand job today while he pressured me for sex. He ended up coming and since I've been away from it for quite some time, I remembered I don't like it. I tolerated it. The friend I talked about it the last blog, he wore condoms after I insisted because I don't want to sit in cum all day and I might get rashes. It also ends up smelling-- not what I want.
During the rape, Kirk had me give him a blow job and he came in my mouth. It was gross. I've only tried to do it a few times since. Sometimes I gag so I have to stop-- especially if I think he's going to cum. The times it's happened and gotten in my mouth-- once was ok. The second time, I threw up. I still think that cum is so gross and I can't even think of having it anywhere near me. It's just gross. The consistency is just awful. I work on it from time to time when I'm in a relationship but I hate it. I wish I could stop it.
So, this ex told me he loved me. I don't know what he loves about me and I think he was just saying it to get me into bed. Ew.
Since I haven't had sex, I haven't felt the need to trim my pubic hair. OMG, I love my pubic hair. It's all soft and it makes me feel so protected. I have to say I hate the women who I work with who make fun of the girls who don't shave. I don't think that it's so bad. I hate it when guys ask me to shave-- which my ex did today. He said that he would perform oral if I shaved. He told me a while ago that he doesn't like giving oral. He was trying to convince me-- telling me that it only had to be once. Yeah, once but I have to live with it. Ew.
I don't like this whole not hair thing that most women are encouraged to do. And it really bothers me when the woman whose all organic and natural calls girls "dirty" and makes fun of them for not shaving. What?!
I've had many men who wanted me to shave because they shaved. Ew. Someone told me that you would think that men would like to not shave. But they want me to change. Really? Fuck that.
So, two months ago, I was with one of the guys that I like. But because I had been with the two other guys who were critical of me, I found myself almost apologizing and actually asking if it was OK that I didn't shave my legs and that I hadn't trimmed. He was fine with it. I liked that. It was reassuring. And I was so angry that these guys had had that much impact on me.
If it were up to me, I wouldn't shave my legs. I shave them so I can wear skirts and dresses without being embarrassed. I know I have nice legs. But the thing is I can't shave more than once a week. It's taken me a long time to even get there. I used to like not shaving for months. It was so much easier. I like the women who overly react to the fact that I have leg hair. I used to work with them. If I shave more than once a week, I get really bad bumps. I know I have to put on lotion-- but I'm low maintenance and I forget. I've tried a lot to remember to put lotion on my legs before they itch. But I forget and then I itch and then I put on cream, which makes me itch more and then have to put on more lotion.
I've looked into how to manage oily hair. I enjoy it. It's actually worked to use hot water till the end of the shower and then put on cold water. I can go longer without a shower-- which was recommended too (every other day or every 2 days). One of my friends had oily hair so bad that she showers every day, which one of the things that was discouraged on the websites I was looking into. I still want to find the brush for oily hair. I found some inexpensive shampoo, including a brand that I like. I'm happy about that.
The other thing I'm looking into is how to stop from grinding my teeth. I didn't realize that the issues with my back teeth were because of my teeth grinding. They've turned grey since it's been so long since my root canals. It used to freak me out but I know it's what is supposed to happen. There are still issues with those back teeth. I've recorded myself two nights in a row to see how bad the teeth grinding is and to see if the face exercises have helped with it. I think it was reduced but I want to try some more things like exercise and meditation to prevent it. Then, I have to get a mouth guard. I'm really reducing my spending this week so that my over draft is not put on my credit card again. But soon, I will be licensed and will be able to have more money to pay off bills. I miscalculated how much it would be to have the rest of my supervision done-- so I put aside $350 but it's almost double that. So, mouth guard, among other things like therapy and massage therapy, have to wait. I'm going to try to get to massage therapy and therapy at least once this month and then once next month-- then resume at least every other week for each.
Now I've gotten into business brain so, I better go. Thanks for reading.
posted by PandoraAphroite at
10:53 AM
2 Comments:
One of my first sexual experiences was with a guy who insisted that I shave just so he could finger me. So stupid. Looking back on it, I'm mad that nobody taught me how to have a spine and know that is was stupid. Grow up! People have hair!
I'm looking into getting an epilator. Basically, it pulls the hairs out so you don't have to shave your legs as often and the hair grows back much finer. I think it takes some time for your skin to get used to though (and I'm sure it hurts a bit the first few times). I have not been shaving much this summer, I wear shorts and skirts and stopped caring.
Boar bristle brushes are recommended to help distribute the oils. It helps loosen up flakes too, which I have issues with.
In high school, I didn't have a problem with it. It was after I started dating in CT where it seemed like a majority of the guys had started shaving for other girls they'd slept with and wanted me to just go along. It made me very self-conscious, especially when one made a face but said he was OK with it. Yeah, the people have hair thing-- I don't know when it started to become so abnormal to like hair or even have hair-- unless it's long locks for a woman.
I've done the chemical process to remove hair before-- I've had some varying results. For the most part, I like it other than the smell.
I'll have to look into the boar bristles. I think a friend had one and it made my hair shiny.
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