A Week Ago

I wrote this a week ago:

Hey,

I've noticed that Thursdays are usually the day that I write. I have been doing well.

TMI-- I've been tight when having sex lately. I wonder if it's because of the diet. I hope that it has gotten my unusually high discharge to get to a normal level-- and get me to a normal level. There are some days I worry about my body and if I need more calcium and all these other vitamins. Then, I remember the side-effects and remind myself that I'm doing well. I might even need to do as many cleansings as I do and on top of that, sometimes garlic makes me a little faint. Not sure what that is. It didn't do that before and I usually love it.

I like that I still get to flirt with Joe while settling into a relationship with JZ. It's refreshing. I sent him photos of me after the 5k last weekend. He said I looked good.

I feel badly for making such a big deal that no one has noticed a 15lb weight loss-- but even I admit, it's really tough to see. I just didn't want to lose weight as fast I did last time.

I ate at a restaurant today. I really have to watch that-- I get sick on the smallest amounts of flour now. I know very quickly when I eat something that doesn't agree with me. Last weekend, it definitely happened and I slept for hours. I went to the bathroom immediately after we had gotten something to eat, then I was shaking, and then I slept. I kept apologizing to JZ-- and he was fine. I can't believe he wanted to take a walk after we did a 5k in the morning. We walked the next day, though.

I have been so stressed about work that the gym went to the wayside. I went to the gym yesterday though and it was great. I did strength training and felt like I hadn't done it in a long time-- not just two weeks. I'm glad that I could get it in, though. I like feeling a little stretch in my muscles, especially the ones I don't think I use. I do!

I've been a battle over money with an ex client. She's telling me and the collections agency that she's called insurance and the department of public health commissioner on me. I guess she's telling them that I care more about money than I do about the service to my clients. I have only stuck to-- “It's in the contract.” She calls me a liar-- says that I'm making up that she made appointments and didn't show. What the fuck do I have to do with that? I was the one who showed up and she was not. After two or three cancellations, I called her before her last appointment and reminded her of it. She's like a child-- finding any little thing to weasel out of. She admitted she needed to pay for the sessions she attended-- and then said she wasn't paying for the missed appointments but didn't understand why she needed to pay for other services that I did on her behalf-- like colleague consultations. UGH. She thinks that the time I wasted on waiting for her should go to the times when I did something on her behalf. That's not how it works. And she's refusing to pay both so what does it matter? I asked the collection agency straight out-- is it worth answering these accusations? I feel like I'm defending myself against what was agreed upon in the contract. And I don't want to deal with her. There is this sense of satisfaction that I get that she is such a fucking awful person and she is having her credit ruined by this. And if it goes to court--- oh man. The consequences to her could be major. Who wants to have an employee of a nonprofit have a small claims court action against them for not paying on a contract? What a fucking nut?

And I'm glad that I'm dealing with this well. I would not have done this years ago. And I'm glad I chose the collection agency I did because... damn, they are great and they are ruthless and they are with me every step of the way. I talked to the owner this morning-- consulting on what to do next. I said that if all else fails, the lowest I'll ever consider going on her debt is $1000 (it's a little over $1300 right now). She wants to pay about a third of that-- and I would get 2/3s of that after paying collections. My supervisor is greedy and he likes to get all the money that he can. I like to get the most amount of money without having to do much out of my way. So, he advised me to go to small claims without the collection agency. I want to go with the collection agency even if they get more of the money, because I don't want to deal with this woman's anger. It still freaks me out even though it's irrational. I think it freaks me out the most because it is irrational.

There was an issue with the neighbor and I was scared to be around my place for a while. But there seems to be something going on with those neighbors. They are selling their house. Damn I'm good. LOL. I don't see their cars there at the same time-- it's either hers or his, not usually both. So, I think something came about. And I still think of the issue-- I still think of what to tell him. Things like, “Do you really want to wait around for some bitch to grow the fuck up? Do you want to see what she's like when there's a conflict with your kid and another kid at school? How do you see that playing out? You're unhappy and this relationship is unfulfilling. Just leave. It'll be better for you to have the fun you wanted to. I know you miss all of your kids and I'm willing to write a letter to whoever to make sure that you get your kids, NO MATTER WHAT, but you really need to let this woman go because she knows your kid is your weakness and she's very controlling. This is abuse. She had you to herself for two years but you're coming out of it and she might not be a part of your future, except for with your kid.” I'm surprised that even with a roommate, he's moving out.

My ex from 4 years ago got in contact with me. We hung out for a weekend. He felt badly that he let me go but the difference between me now and me 4 years ago is vast. I'm not wound tightly, I'm not offended as easily, I'm more laid back, I have weekends and most nights to myself. I have time to myself and some worries but really not a lot. I'm a better person emotionally and getting on track financially. I'm happy for it all! I wouldn't have wanted to bring anyone through my darkest days or through the transition to the private practice.

The other thing is that he left in the middle of the night and was acting shady after I got back from Mexico 4 years ago. I just assumed he had cheated. I guess he hadn't but he still was acting in a way, even after an ultimatum, that he didn't want to be in a relationship. And the ultimatum wasn't anything extreme-- it was just like-- hey, I'd like to go out more often and have you spend the night more often. He complained about gas and wanting to save up for a house-- so, we were done. He couldn't meet some simple demands that would mean he was in a relationship. Later, he asked me to sleep with him-- like 6 months after our break up-- and I asked why we had broken up. He said something about he knew he was awesome and I thought he was awesome and he didn't need anyone around him admiring him for his awesomeness. Yeah, b.s. I was very glad at that moment that I had broke up with him as well as turned him down because I had already been down that road-- he was not new land to plow.