Sexual Anorexia
I know I haven't posted much. I finished The Sexual Healing Journey by Maltz and went on to Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred by Pat Carnes, Ph.D. Carnes also wrote Out of the Shadows and Contrary to Love. He writes extensively about sexual addiction as well as the opposite-- sexual anorexia meaning that the person goes to the other end of the spectrum and tries to over control their impulses. Sexual anorexia is when a person decides not to have sex even when they want to. There are many reasons for this. Sexual Anorexia includes journal prompts and thoughtful questions about the issues surrounding sex and sexual anorexia. Carnes encourages "morning pages" which are inspired from The Artist's Way.
Maltz's book seemed more about thoughts and identifying ways that abuse has changed the person and their thoughts. Carnes focuses on issues. One journal exercise that I liked of his was identifying important sexual experiences in various age groups, such as before age 10, age 10 to 18, 18 to 25 and 25 and on. It was interesting how many experiences I found to have an impact on me. I feel that in the past few years, I've slept around a lot. I feel badly about this. At times, I dissociated so badly that there are a lot of sexual experiences that I didn't find important. So, it was interesting to at least list them and figure out more areas where I need to change.
I found it interesting that some of the most important sexual experiences were the early ones. Those experiences are the ones that had the greatest impact on me. From this journal exercise, I remembered some encounters that I had recently forgot. The thoughts and beliefs that resulted from those encounters had been a part of my life, unconscious to me up till this point. It was enlightening.
The most recent chapter I read was about "Sexual Comfort." It's about the comfort of talking about sex to peers or other people. It took me a while to get to that point with friends and with patients. I still blush about it. I did educate adults and adolescent girls about sex. I would suggest talking about sex and birth control with a partner or partners. I also talked about the difference between fucking and making love. For the girls who I knew were abused, I'd talk about patterns of abuse. I didn't tell them how I knew about these things, but I felt it was important for them to know and think about. It can be empowering.
Yet, there's lots of things I have yet to talk about. There are people I have yet to talk to about what's happened to me. I'm not really sure when to bring up the three rapes that I've encountered. I figure if I have been dating a guy for a month or more, I might have to have the talk with him. It's tough, though. I feel that they have to know me outside of being a victim or survivor in order for them to be able to cope. Plus, there's a lot of times, I don't want to deal with their reactions. There are about three I've encountered-- 1. "Who do I have to beat up?" Really? What is that going to solve? 2. "I've dated other girls who have been through it." I'm glad that the guy can be a support. Yet, I hope he realizes that every abused person goes through their own journey. 3. Complete withdrawal. It makes me feel like tainted goods. I don't like that.
I feel badly, though, because I know there are positions that I am uncomfortable with being in because I was put in that position when I was raped. When I was going to a counselor, I could talk to her about this. Since she's moved and now I've moved, I'm not sure what to do.
I'm about half way through the Carnes book. I'll keep you updated on any other revelations.
Maltz's book seemed more about thoughts and identifying ways that abuse has changed the person and their thoughts. Carnes focuses on issues. One journal exercise that I liked of his was identifying important sexual experiences in various age groups, such as before age 10, age 10 to 18, 18 to 25 and 25 and on. It was interesting how many experiences I found to have an impact on me. I feel that in the past few years, I've slept around a lot. I feel badly about this. At times, I dissociated so badly that there are a lot of sexual experiences that I didn't find important. So, it was interesting to at least list them and figure out more areas where I need to change.
I found it interesting that some of the most important sexual experiences were the early ones. Those experiences are the ones that had the greatest impact on me. From this journal exercise, I remembered some encounters that I had recently forgot. The thoughts and beliefs that resulted from those encounters had been a part of my life, unconscious to me up till this point. It was enlightening.
The most recent chapter I read was about "Sexual Comfort." It's about the comfort of talking about sex to peers or other people. It took me a while to get to that point with friends and with patients. I still blush about it. I did educate adults and adolescent girls about sex. I would suggest talking about sex and birth control with a partner or partners. I also talked about the difference between fucking and making love. For the girls who I knew were abused, I'd talk about patterns of abuse. I didn't tell them how I knew about these things, but I felt it was important for them to know and think about. It can be empowering.
Yet, there's lots of things I have yet to talk about. There are people I have yet to talk to about what's happened to me. I'm not really sure when to bring up the three rapes that I've encountered. I figure if I have been dating a guy for a month or more, I might have to have the talk with him. It's tough, though. I feel that they have to know me outside of being a victim or survivor in order for them to be able to cope. Plus, there's a lot of times, I don't want to deal with their reactions. There are about three I've encountered-- 1. "Who do I have to beat up?" Really? What is that going to solve? 2. "I've dated other girls who have been through it." I'm glad that the guy can be a support. Yet, I hope he realizes that every abused person goes through their own journey. 3. Complete withdrawal. It makes me feel like tainted goods. I don't like that.
I feel badly, though, because I know there are positions that I am uncomfortable with being in because I was put in that position when I was raped. When I was going to a counselor, I could talk to her about this. Since she's moved and now I've moved, I'm not sure what to do.
I'm about half way through the Carnes book. I'll keep you updated on any other revelations.
posted by PandoraAphroite at
8:39 AM
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