The Doors.

Occasionally symptoms of my PTSD leak out. This was more apparent when I had a roommate. Eventually, I moved out because I started to feel unsafe there. Now I live by myself and sometimes I notice they come out more often than other times. Sometimes, while lying down to get to sleep, I think, "I didn't close the window. I have to close the window because someone might see it open and I'll wake up with someone in the house, standing over my bed." These thoughts mostly relate around locked doors and windows. For example, for whatever reason, there are three locks on my front door and only one regular door lock on the back door. I have gotten myself down to two locks on the front door because I used to think that if I didn't lock the top, chain lock that someone would come in. Now that my neighbor is moving out, I am more worried about people breaking down the back door. So, I've been putting the chain lock on the basement door. There's a way to break in through the basement and I want to make sure it's not easy. There's also a lock on the real back door too. It's kind of weird-- there's a door to the back stairway that leads to the basement and both of our back doors.
Also, one of my bedroom windows is on ground level. Other parts of the house are above ground level as it was built on a hill. I am so afraid of someone seeing that I'm sleeping by myself and coming through this window. Sometimes I tell myself that the fire department is down the hill and the other houses are close by so they would hear me scream or they would see someone lurking around. I would be safe. But then I tell myself that I might be leaving myself open to a break in if I leave the windows open. I also worry that the guy who breaks in will cover my mouth so I can't scream. Then what?
Basically, all these revolve around my safety. Because of these times when I didn't feel safe, I have trouble feeling safe, even at home, even with the windows open. When I write it like that, I feel like it's so simple and small. But in my mind, it's a big deal to me. It haunts me most nights.